Caps Fans Are Dumb, Capitals Still Beat Maple Leafs

Alex Ovechkin cherry picks scored less than two minutes into the game as Capitals fans chanted MVP, not even knowing what it stands for, as the Washington Capitals defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs 6-4. Ovechkin imagined a crowd full of shirtless men and dove into the glass after his goal.

The Capitals had a 6-1 lead going into the third before the Maple Leafs decided to try to play like an NHL team instead of an AHL team.

The only three players Capitals fans can name Backstrom, Semin, and Ovechkin combined to get three goals and five assists while molesting the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Capitals goalie Varlamov was shaky in the third as Alexei Ponikarovsky, Mikhail Grabovski and Niklas Hagman scored in the third. The utterly useless Jeff Finger manged to get an assist.

Washington scored on three of their first seven shots which isn't surprising with Vesa Toskala in net.

"It's unbelievable," said Toskala, replaced in net by Jonas Gustavsson at the start of the second period. "It seems everywhere they go, the puck is following them."

Mike Komisarek again caused more harm to his team as he was in the box when Washington scored their second goal on the power play as Toronto fans begin to realize why Milan Lucic is constantly knocking this idiot's team out. Komisarek was in the box for molesting kittens.

The Maple Leafs will flip a coin and decide which goalie gets the start Tuesday against the Ottawa Senators. Ovechkin will draw names out of a hat to determine which of his teammatess will get to join him in the shower.

Preview: Turtles Faceoff As Leafs Meet Capitals

Tonight the Toronto Maple Leafs face-off against the Washington Capitals in a battle of two of the most cowardly players in the league. Hopefully Komisarek and Ovechkin end each others seasons.

Ovechkin is coming off a 2 goal, 1 assist, 6 wussy move performance against the Boston Bruins. Komisarek is looking to throw more elbows and high sticks, or perhaps toss more people into his own goalie.

The Capitals soundly beat a Boston Bruins team on Thursday that looked like they were still in pre-season mode, while Toronto lost a heart breaker in overtime to the Montreal Canadiens. Should be noted that a terrible, awful, no need for it elbowing penalty by Homosarek gave the Canadiens a late power play chance that they capitalized on.

The Maple Leafs defenders will need to give Ovechkin much less room to operate than the Bruins defenders did. Ovechkin may be in trouble as well, as the entire Toronto team is much less likely to put up with Ovechkin's cheap shots. Although, the NHL does have that Ovechkin rule where you cannot breath on him without getting a penalty.

In their 4 meetings last year each team won two games with two of the games being decided by just one goal, and a third going to a shootout (won by the Maple Leafs).

Wind Blows, Ovechkin Goes Down

"Prepare to Unleash the Red!"

Washington Capitals slogan or pamphlet for those young girls becoming women?

Well, a little bit of both. The Washington Capitals have released ads promoting the season telling fans... well, rather, band wagoners, to unleash the red! You know, because of their red jerseys. It is a completely original idea that they certainly didn't rip off from Calgary's "C of Red." No, of course not.

Or perhaps unleash the red is a way for the organization to let fans know that Ovechkin is finally becoming a woman. How many times a game do you hear "Semin passes to Ovechkin" and wonder if they mean the player Semin or man juice? I think the above photo speaks for itself.

Ovechkin is supremely talented yes. I do not deny that. But he is also a bitch. A wussy little girl. NHL fans across the world talk about how Crosby dives and whines... but that is because there is a such a microscope on him. Crosby can do no right, while Ovechkin does the same exact things but apparently can do no wrong. Ovechkin does this just as much, if not more, but for some reason everyone focuses on Crosby. Here's a classic example of Ovechkin giving his best Oscar performance on the ice:





This isn't the first time Ovechkin has done this, and it certainly won't be the last. Although, we can all hope Chara catches him across the middle tonight and maybe give Ovechkin a real reason to hit the ice.

Sure he scores highlight real goals and energizes his team and the girls in the crowd pretending they like hockey (girls like Alex Semin). But he plays zero defense, often watching from the blue line while his team fights the oppositions offense, basically giving the other team a free power play. He is a cheap shot artist (ask Sergei Gonchar) and cannot deliver a decent hit without leaving his skates. And even if he somehow doesn't make the Russian hockey team in the Winter Olympics, you can find him at a local Russian pool practicing, and perfecting, his dives.

Preview: Boston Bruins vs Washington Ovechkins

The Boston Bruins open the regular season tonight against Alex Ovechkin and everyone's favorite bandwagon team the Washington Capitals.

Last season all four games between the two teams were decided by one goal, with two of the games going to overtime (Bruins technically won both OT games... as Dennis Wideman scored the game winning goal once... for the Capitals). Boston come out on the Canadiens short end, going 1-2-1. Washington outscored Boston 11 to 8.

The only two non bandwagon fans the Capitals have will know that the Boston Bruins are ahead in the all-time series (Boston has 74 wins, 38 losses, 21 ties and 3 overtime losses). The Bruins have outscored the Capitals 467 to 369 all time.

The key match up tonight, as it usually is any time a team faces the Capitals, is Ovechkin vs the Boston D.

Newcomers Derek Morris and Matt Hunwick will have to learn to keep an eye on Ovechkin as he usually hangs out around the blueline in the defensive zone, watching as his team tries to fend off the opposition and hoping for a pass to spring him on a breakaway. They also have to learn quick that you cannot put your stick near Ovechkin's skates, as he will take an Olympic grade dive to the ice and hold his face like he was shot... even though the stick never went anywhere near his face.

If the pre-season is any indication this year's Bruins team will be even less likely to put up with Ovechkin's cheap shots than last year. Ovechkin may be the face of the league, but he really just happens to be a cowardly diver who takes the Kronwallian approach to delivering a hit, but can rack up points like no other. Of course, when you say "screw you" to your team and take 20 shots a night, you're bound to rack up goals.

The game will also be a good test for the "better on the forecheck, faster" Boston Bruins. The speed and skill on the Capitals should put Boston's puck moving capabilities to the test and show whether or not they can make it past the neutral zone (The Carolina Whalers exposed this weakness HUGE last season).

In some potentially good news for the Boston Bruins, center David Krejci is expected to be in the line-up tonight. If Krejci can shake off the rust early and be the magician around the net he was last season, half of of the BangWagon Caps fans should be tuned out by the second period.

The last time the Bruins opened the season against the Capitals was on October 8, 1987 back when the Caps had fans that could name people on the roster past the first line. The Bruins won that game 4-3.

Should be a great game, but really we're just super excited to see the puck drop on another season!